dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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