Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
