Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
