I hate your face
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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