Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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