i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
