turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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