Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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