I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
