I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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