you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
