the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
