I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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