Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
