never play flip cup with pint glasses
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize