So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The adults are the big ones right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
