Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize