Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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