If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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