It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
