I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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