We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
