Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
