Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
