Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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