At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize