Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
