your parents love me but you hate me
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
