the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont even know how to be here
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
