theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
