Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
