He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
