I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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