We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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