My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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