In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
