Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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