I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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