you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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