My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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