He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
