K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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