please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
splinters make it hard to masturbate
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
