I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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