having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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