Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
