You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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