your parents love me but you hate me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
