she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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