If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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