So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
