I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
