I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
