I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
