he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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