HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think your dad took our porno
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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