i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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