We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
