The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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