how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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