Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
