Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
