Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
organizing the empties. That sober.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
