We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize