I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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