sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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