my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize