a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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