K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
