I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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