When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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