i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
