I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
